The Simple Facts About Falling In Love

We are meant to live a life of love. However, no matter how successful some are in other aspects of their lives, they don't feel it's realistic to have the same success in love.

But being in love is the most realistic thing you can do. It energizes your life, fills you with positivity, creates generosity and makes every moment beautiful. The body heals the heart is happy. The real question is, why aren't we in love all the time? What keeps it away?

The following steps will show you how easy it is to open your eyes and find love wherever you go. .

1) THE ONE RIGHT BESIDES YOU

Most of the time we are searching for the right person and don't take a moment to stop and see who is right in front of our eyes.

- Look at a person who is close to you right now " anyone it happens to be.

-Notice the ways in which you push him away. Stop doing that.

-Allow the two of you to be together in whatever way you are.

-Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else.

We dismiss so many people who are in our worlds, while waiting for the 'right one... to appear. The more we can be 'right... with everyone, the sooner we'll find just what we're looking for.

2)PLAYING AT LOVE

So many complain that they are not loved. The reason for this is they are so busy playing games their partner never knows who they really are.

-Notice what games you play in relationships, and what games you demand others play. See if you are in love with the person, or with the game you are both playing right now.

-Become aware of the difference between who you are and the games you play. Let the games and be who you are. Who you are is always loveable. It's the games that get in the way.

3)LETTING HIM COME AND LETTING HIM GO

-One obstacle to falling in love is the tendency to hold on to what is wrong. We grasp and cling to whatever we have, preventing the right one from coming to us.

-When someone comes into your life (or day) practice letting him come.

"Enjoy him/her for whoever he is.

-When it is time for a person to go, practice letting him go. Do not turn this into an experience of rejection or loss. It is simply time for him to go.

- Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely, not tying yourself in chains. The more we free others and ourselves, the more easily we fall in love.

4)PUTTING YOUR BAGGAGE DOWN

Many feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met. They can be quite amazed to discover that these demands don't lead to happiness. They may even be obstacles to falling in love.

- Take a look at what you feel is absolutely necessary in relationships. Realize this is baggage you are carrying that may be keeping all kinds of people and possibilities away.

- Let one of these demands subside. At first let it go for just one day. (Remember you can always take it back again). Now try another day. The more you do this the more lighter and happier you will feel. And the more space you will make for all kinds of new people, possibilities and situations to come your way.

5)GIVING GIFTS

-What gifts do you give others in relationships? And what do you hope to receive in return? It's important to give openly as well as to receive.

- Find something new you can give to somebody. Give it. Do this everyday. It does not have to be fancy or expensive. Do this with all kinds of different people. Do it quietly without fanfare and without expecting something in return.

- Do this with yourself as well. Each day take a moment to find out what kind of gift you would like today. (A walk in the park, new lipstick, time with someone you care for.) Give this to yourself each day. Although this exercise is simple, it is extremely powerful. Doing this daily in your relationship can turn everything around. By living with this open, generous mind, all kinds of other gifts come to you naturally.

6) MAKING FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF

Many say they are lonely, even with a partner at their side. This is simply because they have not yet made friends with themselves. Once they make friends with themselves and are able to be who they are, loneliness disappears.

Make friends with yourself. Spend time noticing who you are. Accept all parts of yourself. Stop judging and rejecting what is going on inside. Understand you are perfect just as you are. Then choose to do the same in relationships. Choose to have relationships with those who want and appreciate just what you are.

Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D., psychologist, speaker and author is a long term Zen practitioner whose work integrates Zen and everyday life. The relationship expert on i.village.com, she is the author of many books. The most recent is Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life), http://www.livingbyzen.com Take a minute to go to this site to learn more about the book. Dr. Shoshanna is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Zen Miracles, (Finding Peace In An Insane World) and many other books. She can be reached at topspeaker@yahoo.com Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com.