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All About Relationships
He Said, She Heard: Communication Meltdown within Relationship
It starts young, as babies. We learn communication from our parents starting with single words -- mama, dada, we add adjectives, big boy, nice kitty. And even though we learn, and speak, the same language -- English, French, German -- we also learn sub-languages, languages that may differ so greatly we clog communication as if speaking to a foreigner, or worse. With a foreigner we expect to not understand. We assume we understand with someone speaking our own language. It starts like this: Two households on the same street. Billy in . . . keep reading
7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship
Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my clients state that, "If I have to work at it, then it's not the right relationship." This is not a true statement, any more than it's true that you don't have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction. I've discovered, in the 35 years that I've been counseling couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR . . . keep reading
How To Slay The Toxic Dragon In Your Life
How To "Slay The Dragon" In Your Life In Five Simple Steps Any time you spend around that toxic dragon, you are adding another cup full of misery to your life. You must accept that the toxic person you are with will not change, does not want to change, and does not want you to change. The toxic people want to keep poisoning you with their behavior and feel that they have every right to do so. Toxic people roam around freely and openly because they can. They take our energy, strength, love, and our precious time on this earth . . . keep reading
Coping with Your Difficulties in Yourself
Ashleigh Brillant once said" "Coping with difficult people is always a problem, particularly if the difficult person happens to be yourself." Can you identify with this statement? Often, when things are not going well, we wonder what the problem is. Often we are the problem. We become our own worst enemy. Are you a perfectionist? This can deter you from finishing a project or a deadline. It may also keep you so anxious, you cannot really enjoy life. Are you stubborn? More than likely your friends and co-workers will know . . . keep reading
Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 2 The Not-the-Same Syndrome
How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic enough or he doesn't treat you like he did when you first started dating? Come on, admit it, we do this a lot. The way I see it, there are two sides to this. Side one, he really has changed and he isn't romantic enough and side two, he isn't doing what you want him to at the time. Let's explore side two first. I'll use me as an example because I am guilty of this one. I'm feeling 'cuddly' and he is watching TV. I keep looking over at him with my 'don't you want to kiss me look' . . . keep reading
Can This Relationship Be Helped?
I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. Perhaps their partner is totally uninterested in working on the relationship. Perhaps their partner is an alcoholic or drug addict. What are their chances of saving their relationship? Since two people always get together at their common level of woundedness, here is what I say to the partner who has sought my help: "As long as you choose to remain in this relationship . . . keep reading
Anniversary Blues
Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their early thirties. In spite of loving each other deeply, they often find themselves in conflict over seemingly minor issues, as most couples do. Recently, just one week before their wedding anniversary, they had a particularly hurtful argument. Jamie had expressed her unhappiness about Kurt's busy schedule and the limited time he finds to spend with her. As usual, Kurt promised to try harder and they got through it. But having not dealt with the real issues at hand, the problem . . . keep reading
To Love Or To Be In Love
What is the basic difference between loving someone and being in love with the person? Before we can be sure that we have found true love, we need to be sure what these two terminologies mean. Is it possible to meet someone, connect with the person and love the person's personality, way of life, etc? Truly be comfortable with such a person? Certainly! Most of us know significant others in our lives who fall into this category. At the same time, it is possible to totally connect with a significant other and feel the butterflies . . . keep reading
If You Love Me
If you love me, you will keep my commandments? In the love games we play, and in all aspects of human endeavors, maintaining positive relations with each other is a must, to live in harmony and peaceful coexistence with each other. The surest path to keeping good relations with our fellow humans is to know what their dos and don'ts are, and adhere strictly to the same. An infringement of the don'ts should be followed by a sincere apology. A blatant refusal to acknowledge our basic differences, thereby stepping on each other's toes . . . keep reading
The Economics of True Love
In the real world, can there be romance without finance? A common saying: No romance, without finance. But what does it mean really? After a little thought about it and a hard look at the big picture, we see that it actually derives from the fact that in the real world, there is actually some level of bias to any decision we make, including our decision to love or be in love. In a land of utopia therefore, it would seem perfectly reasonable that Love would know no bounds, experience no biases. In our world however, far from any . . . keep reading
Feel Like a (Romantic) Kid Again
If the start of the school year makes you a little nostalgic about your own school days, why not take a little trip: back to your own childhood! Make a date with that special someone and act like children again. You'll soon see that this child-like fun can be just as romantic as a grown-up date (and a whole lot easier on the budget!) Buy some bubble gum. Have a bubble blowing contest. Buy your lover a stuffed animal and name it together. Challenge each other to a pillow fight. Compete in a video game. Cuddle on a carousel. Enjoy . . . keep reading
Is Your Mate Cheating?
You've been together several months, but something doesn't feel quite right with your partner. You start wondering if he or she might be having an affair. Is it jealousy, your imagination or just apathy that is the result of long-term complacency with each other? It can be hard to tell sometimes, but when in doubt go with your gut and look for the following behaviors that might mean your mate is having an affair. Oddly, your partner might be having an affair if he or she is acting MORE attentive than usual to you. If you are suddenly . . . keep reading
True Love - Part 1
True Love! We all dream of being in love with that significant other, at some point in our lives. Is it better to have loved once than not to have loved at all? If this is really the case, then how do we actually find true love? How can a man or a woman really get to the core of the whole relationship game? What are the rules of such a game? More often than not, it is not uncommon to find that either one partner feels really strongly about the other, whilst the other just bides time because he or she is the only one "available" . . . keep reading
Trust Starts with You
"I have a hard time trusting people." "I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife)." It is very common for me, in my work as a counselor, to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It's about you become a trustworthy person with yourself and learning to trust yourself. BECOMING TRUSTWORTHY WITH YOURSELF How often do you promise yourself you are going to do something and then don't do it? For . . . keep reading
Rediscovering Love and Intimacy
Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of 14 years, had just expressed to her that he wanted to end their relationship. Wendy, terrified of being alone, was panicked. Within a few minutes of speaking with her in a phone session, I understood exactly the underlying cause of their relationship problems. Wendy, coming from a family where she experienced much neglect, had a deep abandonment fear. In her family, Wendy had learned to be a caretaker, giving herself up and taking care of everyone else's feelings . . . keep reading
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Love Advice: Let Fate Decide?
One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love? What is it's exact definition? Well, there can never be a definite answer. Everyone got his or her own answer to it. To some it can be really simple while to others, it can get really complicated. But one definite thing that is for sure . . . keep reading
Is Your Husband or Wife Cheating? Five Great Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator!
Discovering an affair in your relationship is indispensable, but that's just the beginning of what you will face. A family court ruling will be rendered either for or against you and your children. A judge will decide for you based on the EVIDENCE, who is the best custodial parent. If your state considers . . . keep reading
Valentine's Day is Fast Approaching, So Gather the Chocolates and Lingerie
That lover's holiday we know as Valentine's Day is coming up again. This year, be prepared for it. There is no sense in running around at the last minute to find the right gift. Here's a list of the traditional winners. 1. Flowers. This is the most expensive time to buy flowers, but she doesn't care . . . keep reading
The Sound of His Laughter
When you're searching for your Mr. Right, I want you to pay close attention to his laugh. It may seem odd for me to say that, but you can tell a lot about a man by his laugh. Real laughter is uncontrollable. For just a moment something strikes us as funny and the sound of laughter pours forth spontaneously . . . keep reading
Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love... and Just Love Being in Love
I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably mid or late 30s and younger. Usually one reports, "falling out of love" and is truly disturbed by this shift. He/she (and this is not merely a female problem!) wants to "recapture" those feelings. This person has . . . keep reading
False Forecasts Lead to Matchmaking Hell
False Forecasts The typical methods for finding a partner are based on personality tests, psychological profiles, and our own evaluation of a potential partner. Most of the matchmaking techniques used on these sites are doomed to failure because the harmonious relationship forecast turns out to . . . keep reading
Relationship Advice: 7 Strategies for a Great Relationship
1. Commitment True commitment means much more than simply committing to staying married. Here's one of my favorite quotes about marriage: "When you marry, you don't marry one person, you marry three: The person you think he is; the person he really is; and the person he is going to become . . . keep reading
True Love - Part 2
Okay, so why would one person feel strongly about the other and the other hardly misses a beat? In my last article, I said that one of the reasons is that the 'despised' one probably isn't the one in the first place. But let's leave the 'despiser' for now and focus on the 'despisee'. What is the 'despisee' . . . keep reading
7 Unfailing Laws of Happy Relationships
Most think that relationships exist to make them happy. When they find that special person, they believe that love will naturally grow. But in relationships we encounter everything, challenges, joy, fulfillment, loss. Yet, despite all training in life, we seldom learn about the knitty gritty of relationships . . . keep reading
Are You Relationship Ready?
So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old enough and moving well along your chosen career path. Many of your friends are either married or in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the singles scene and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right? Not necessarily. So what . . . keep reading
Relationhip Advice: How to Have Fun Together
Work. Bills. Kids. Chores. Etc. All these things get in the way of enjoying being a couple, and having fun together gets left behind. I mentioned this recently on the Steve and Sara show on Magic 107.1, and got a few e-mails asking me how to have fun as a couple when you are so busy. At . . . keep reading
Unprofessional Conduct
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14, 2004 I am sitting here so unsure of what to do anymore. I've never asked anyone for help of this type, as many people come to me for answers. I am a social worker and my husband is a psychologist. We should have the answers, but we just don't. We have . . . keep reading
Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships
One of the keys to obtaining a better life or living arrangement is to assess the quality of relationships that you surround yourself with. Do you surround yourself with loving relationships or unhealthy relationships? For someone that has a pattern or history with unhealthy relationships, the . . . keep reading
Is This The One?
Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell if this is the one? Is this one my soulmate? How will I know when I find the right one? There is no magic answer, but I can tell you what seems to work. I asked a psychic one time if a certain person was my soulmate. His . . . keep reading
The Male Rating System
While not necessarily New Age in nature, Samantha has noticed a lot of clients asking questions about their potential beaus lately and she thought this refreshing change might be just what was needed to help our female Realm members keep things in perspective regarding their male paramours. Enjoy . . . keep reading
Spouse Improvement: Influence Your Partner to Change in Just 7 Steps
Everyone has something they'd like to change in their partner. Here is a 7-step process to create a change in your partner. The key to the success of this process is that it makes your partner want to change - instead of feeling coerced. 1. MAKE A LIST of the top three behaviors your . . . keep reading
5 Surefire Ways to Arouse Your Woman
As there are different types of women, there are different ways to arouse them as well. If you have been in a bit of a slump here are some quick ways to rev up your love life: 1) Dress in a suit and take her out to a romantic dinner. Women love men in suits and almost every man . . . keep reading
Learning to Trust Again
Eleven o'clock on a weeknight I found myself phoning a man whom I'd recently met. We had been talking regularly and I just wanted to hear the sound of his voice. No answer. After four rings his answering machine kicked in and I hung up. How strange. This man made a point of staying home during the . . . keep reading
Universal Laws for Couples
The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or growing apart. You don't get to stand still in relationships for very long. So we need to know two things: What does it take to continue to feel connected to my spouse? And what does it take for my spouse to continue to feel connected to . . . keep reading
Sometimes You Got to Spy - Dealing with Online Infidelity
Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes chatting with unknown faces and watching or seeing porno. This is a real issue and it is completely addictive. Unless you stop now it is going to be a real issue developing into a big monster that is going to swallow your . . . keep reading
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