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All About Relationships
Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Communicate
In my workshops with couples, I start with this question: "How many of you believe men and women are created differently?" Usually most everyone agrees, and I congratulate them on passing Anatomy 101. The next question is slightly different: "How many of you believe that men and women think, feel, perceive and experience the world in sometimes dramatically different ways?" Usually most of the women agree and the men just look confused. The point is that these differences cause men and women to communicate in very different ways . . . keep reading
Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Meet Emotional Needs
Harville Hendrix, in his book "Getting the Love You Want" has some interesting and helpful notions about the process of falling in love. According to Hendrix, as we fall in love with someone, we believe that this person will be able to meet all of our emotional needs. But eventually the infatuation wears off and the day-to-day grind sets in. Partners begin to think or even say things such as "You are not the person I married," or "You're just like your father/mother" or whatever. Emotional connections start shutting down . . . keep reading
Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict
Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In working with couples I have found that it's the successful resolution of the conflict that strengthens the couple's bond and brings them closer together. The resolution comes only by walking through the conflict and not around it. There is so much that can cause conflict, everything from the big five: 1. money 2. sex 3. children 4. in-laws 5. religion all the way to the proper way to wash and dry dishes. While conflict can be incredibly painful, a crucial point to . . . keep reading
Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Apologize and Forgive
I'm sorry can be words that are much too easy to say. The notion of apology and forgiveness in relationships takes "I'm sorry" into new territory that can be very healing and actually have meaning. The ability to apologize and to forgive is crucial to any long-term relationship. Many of us find it difficult to apologize. In order for an apology to be genuine, at least three elements need to be present: 1) genuine remorse 2) a commitment to 'turning away' from similar behavior in the future 3) a willingness to make whatever . . . keep reading
Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship
Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to make it up as we go along. But relationships need much more conscious planning in order to be successful. In a hectic and throwaway culture, couples need a vision for their relationship. What is a relationship vision? Just what is a relationship vision? It's a deliberate design for your relationship: what you're willing to give and what you would like to receive. Designing a relationship vision involves asking questions such as "If we knew we couldn't fail, how would we like . . . keep reading
Great Relationship Advice: How to Balance Your Hear at Work with Your Heart at Home
Remember the Tom Cruise movie "Jerry Maguire?" From my seat in the theater, this movie had a much more valuable message than it's catch phrase "show me the money." Tom Cruise plays the title character Jerry Maguire, a fast moving sports agent who lives for the big score and makes big money. After an attack of conscious, he is let go by his firm. Cuba Gooding, Jr. plays his one remaining client, football player Rod Tillman, a player with talent and an attitude that gets in the way. Jerry Maguire has his heart in his career and leaves . . . keep reading
Great Relationship Advice: How to Get "All A's" in Couples Communication
Mark Twain once said that he believed it was "God's great cosmic joke on humanity when He required men and women to live together in marriage." When it comes to couples trying to communicate with each other, I believe old Mr. Clements was right on target. Every day in my office, I watch men and women trying to talk with each other. While from my chair I can understand what each person is trying to say, often times the couple will look like "2 ships passing in the night" in their attempts to understand each other . . . keep reading
Walls Of Communication!
Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. In order to make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trust in another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, it is a very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games with that trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust will surely create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you truly trust another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. You are at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind . . . keep reading
Great Relationship Advice: Don't Be a Darren Stevens
Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I can't believe I'm even feeling this way. My wife just got an offer that would give her a better and higher paying job than I have. I can't believe I am jealous, and even worse, I'm tempted to encourage her not to take it. How do I stop myself from doing something really stupid? I'm glad you wrote, because not only would you be doing something really dumb, you'd be pulling what I call a "Darrin Stevens." In the old TV series "Bewitched", Samantha Stevens . . . keep reading
How to Use Your Brain to Seduce Women
CHESS-MATE If you're one of those guys telling to yourself that Antonio Banderas might be a little prettier then you but again your IQ beats that of Einstein by an inch, than the next lines were written for you. You have to know how to use your advantage against a two-digit IQ macho-man and this is no easy deal. Some studies even say that intelligence alone is actually not too sexy to most people. Therefore it would be wiser to use intelligent ways to seduce a woman then just act smart. There are more ways to do this, some better . . . keep reading
10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Signs of Infidelity
Certain things about signs of infidelity come as a surprise to most people. Even people who pride themselves on being knowledgeable about extramarital affairs may be unfamiliar with the little-known facts below. This information is taken from Is He Cheating on You?? 829 Telltale Signs. 1. Telltale signs first begin to appear while the infidelity is still in the planning stage. 2. Most cheaters display signs of infidelity they aren't even aware of, and wouldn't even think to cover up. 3. Most people either miss or misinterpret . . . keep reading
Being Mindful of Your Mates Space
SOMETIMES I'LL ask a couple I'm seeing in therapy to do the following exercise. 1. The husband and wife stand about six feet apart. 2. The husband walks slowly toward his wife until he reaches a point where he no longer feels comfortable. Some men stop about three feet from their wives. Others stop at 30 inches and still others at 27. 3. The wife now moves toward her husband or steps back from him, depending on how much space she feels she needs between the two of them. The purpose of the exercise is to help a couple understand . . . keep reading
Are You Looking for Ms. Right or Mr. Not so Wrong?
Do you want to find the "love of your life?" It's not easy to find Mr. or Miss "Right". And how do you know if you're right when you think you have? The chilling fact is 75% of marriages end up unhappy, separated or divorced. The stakes are high, yet the tools to help you make the right decision have been almost non-existent... until now! Scientific research has shown that picking the right person is the best way to achieve a great relationship. But how do you make a great choice in a club, church event, or party, where appearance . . . keep reading
The Evolution of Love
Songs have been saying it for generations together. Ask anyone what the world needs and the one answer you would get is-" love". We need love at all times. It is the basis of all our relationships in one form or the other. Despite knowing and understanding the need for it, we haven't been able to understand it well enough. It has evoluted and here is it's story. Everybody's saying that love can change the world but no one really knows what it is. Some have had enough, some have had so much and they won't let anyone else . . . keep reading
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Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication
Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and do not communicate their thoughts and wants to them. When couples start to experience poor communication in their relationship this is when relationship . . . keep reading
The Fine Art of Flirting
Did you know that it is not necessarily your looks or your bank account that will get you the Date of Your Dreams? Even those with average features and ordinary bank account funds can have the pleasure of being with someone they thought was unattainable. You think I'm kidding, right? I'm not! Want . . . keep reading
Unfaithfulness
AS I STARED at the sunset, I marveled at it's beauty. The scenario got me thinking about an issue a friend had brought up sometime ago. It was a very ticklish matter, one that seems to perplex everyone... even the so-called professionals. "Are people faithful?" the question . . . keep reading
The Key to Ending Pain With Others
It has taken me 40 years to learn exactly how to free myself from pain with others. After reading the book The Dammapada I sat under a tree to contemplate, and meditate on the wisdom I was soaking in to the depths of my heart, mind and soul. I remembered crying oceans of tears in my past, trying to . . . keep reading
Seduction Secrets For Men Part 3 - A Wonderful Idea To Spice Up Your Existing Relationships
There is a cool little game for spicing up your long-term or fuck-buddy relationships. Here is how: Both you and your girlfriend have to get 20 pieces of paper and make 20 different cards. Each card has an idea on it: you write down things you would like her to do and she does the . . . keep reading
Making New Friends
How do we make friends? More importantly if dropped into a new city or a new job or a new school, how do we go about making a new friends? Most of us don't really think about it, but just sort of allow people to float in and out of our lives without really paying any attention to how we pull new people . . . keep reading
Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained?
One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When he opened it, he learned that his best friend had passed away... I was at conference recently where I heard this most inspiring story. The story was about a boy and a girl who grew up together as best friends. As they grew into adulthood, they became . . . keep reading
10 Free Romantic Gifts
Being in love does not mean that you should turn overnight to be an extravagant spender. Love is beautiful when it is simple and true. If you are running out of cash and yet your heart is full of love for your other half, you don't have to sigh in despair. There are some free gifts which you can give . . . keep reading
Should You Forgive Infidelity?
If you're asking yourself that question, then somewhere within you there must be a desire to forgive the other person. After all, if you knew 100% for sure without doubts that you definitely should NOT forgive, then you wouldn't be entertaining the question, right? You would have . . . keep reading
Extramarital Affairs: What Everyone Needs to Know and What You Can Do to Help
Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity. That may seem . . . keep reading
The Tablet of Venus
In the 17th century, divination devices called The Tablets of Fate were sold on the street by fortunetellers. These were square pieces of paper which had sixteen numbers written on them and the idea is that you would go home, close your eyes, spin the paper and point to a spot on . . . keep reading
Power Struggle!
The greatest asset we have in human existence is our soul growth, but somehow we have that confused with becoming powerful. Power does not bring growth unless we understand the essence of sharing that power. The struggle for power is a main characteristic in basically all of our relationships. The . . . keep reading
Name That Tune
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 26, 2004 I have been married to a wonderfully grounded woman for nine years, and we have two young children. The problem? My mother-in-law lives from crisis to crisis. She claims to have a "plan," but it is always the wrong plan and my wife and I are constantly . . . keep reading
Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships
Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says that responsibility is really the " ability to choose our response." We don't have to respond to stimuli and triggers the same way we have always done. We do have a choice. It may take some practice and a real commitment on our part to let go . . . keep reading
Conflict In Faith
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 19, 2004 My husband is Jewish, and I am Catholic. That wasn't a problem when we were dating, because he isn't religious. He married a Catholic before, and their daughter was raised Catholic. A reformed rabbi married us. I sacrificed being married in church . . . keep reading
African Dating - Pride and Ambition
It is no secret that African culture is known for it's pride. Most Africans do not have a problem standing up for their beliefs and causes, and are often ambitious when it comes to obtaining specific goals. That being the case, if you are of African descent and are seeking a . . . keep reading
Creative Visualizations for Love
To manifest love through creative visualization, you first need to learn how to suspend or hold an image of the desired outcome in your mind in as much detail as possible. For instance, let's say that you need to resolve an argument with a dear friend. The first thing you need to do . . . keep reading
Players: How to Deal with Them
Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like to give the inside scoop on how to handle these guys. Yes, I'm going to make this gender specific. Can women be players too? Absolutely, but they usually aren't. Even if they are, most guys won't care. I only have one problem with players, and . . . keep reading
Relationship Advice: Why Brad and Jen Broke Up and What We Can Learn from Them
It's been a few months since the riveting headlines: The Dream Couple, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up. The fall out from this celebrity break up is still plastered all over the magazine headlines. Parade magazine recently took a poll asking for the number one celebrity shocker of the year . . . keep reading
A Man Drought In Australasia - Bugger! Age is Against Me
Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high quality women in the 30 plus age group over suitable available men is becoming a major problem in both New Zealand and Australia. Current trends show that in Australia in 1976 there was a surplus of 30-something . . . keep reading
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